Just Breathe Mom

“Surprise!”

“What did you do?”

“I made you polka dots mommy. Surprise!”

“Holy !@%$#%!!!!!!”

That was the conversation I had with my 4-year-old a few days ago. Oh, he surprised me all right, by redecorating every wall and floor downstairs with a collection of painted polka dots. Let’s start from the beginning…

For those of you that don’t know, I have a 4 ½ month old daughter. Of course, the baby takes naps and it is near impossible to put her to sleep downstairs with the boys around. Therefore, I rock her to sleep upstairs where the noise is at best, muted. However, it is always a crapshoot as to what I’m going to find when I come back downstairs. So far, the worse mess has been a picnic set-up with real food that included the dog as a guest. Leave it to my 4-year-old, the master planner, and his 3-year-old sidekick to top that.

My day started as one that would’ve put anyone teetering on the brink of insanity, over the edge. We were running late for a 9:30 dentist appointment and the van wouldn’t start. I couldn’t even get the side doors open. So, I had to squeeze my way in and maneuver car seats through the van and out the driver side door. Then I had to figure out how to install them in my husband’s car. I get all three kids to the dentist’s office at 9:40. A woman in the waiting room tells me that I should tell my boys to sit down. Nice. Then I ask the receptionist why it’s taking so long to see my son and she says that his appointment is at 10:30. Ugghhh! I had to cancel my 3-year-old’s appointment due to his ITP. Apparently, he had the 9:30 appointment, not the 4-year-old. Somehow, I remained eerily calm through all of this, not one ounce of frustration. I mean, not one ounce. I tried to maintain peace, so my day wouldn’t snowball into hell. Uh, that didn’t work.

Excuse this flashback sequence of events. I probably watched too many episodes of Lost! Stay with me, because now I’m going to take you back to the scene of the most horrific crime I’ve faced as a mother thus far. I emphasize thus far, because my oldest child has a mind that I think one day might include world domination. Just kidding, he’s not evil, just… ingenious. Yeah, ingenious describes him.

When I walked into the kitchen, all I saw were spots of paint on the floor and 2-inch in diameter colored polka dots by the backdoor. That is until I looked to the right. There I could see every wall covered in my children’s abstract art. I look to the left and see more. I immediately ask where the 3-year-old is and see his shadow running through the living room. Apparently, his assignment was the living room and dining room. Do you believe that he actually came into the kitchen and asked me to open the purple paint? His older brother brainwashed him into thinking painting mommy’s walls was a good thing. Actually, my 4-year-old did not run and hide as usually the case when he does something wrong. Instead, he proudly showed off his wall art. I might have a miniature Jackson Pollock in the making.

I know that I cannot come close to describing the mess that was made within 15 – 20 minutes of alone time. (I swear that I left them peacefully watching Noggin.) I couldn’t quite believe it myself how fast those boys worked. I tried to tell my husband over the phone, but even he was not prepared for the massive clean up that waited for him at home. Carpets, floors, walls, and unfortunate objects in the way of two determined artists were covered in paint. We now have to repaint every wall that was touched with a brush, because of course washable paint doesn’t really wash off.

You’re probably wondering how I didn’t end up on the evening news with a breakdown after this day, good question. When one of my friends saw the mess, she asked me why I wasn’t freaking out and why I was so calm. I really didn’t know the answer at the time. I thought maybe the Eckhart Tolle stuff is working and I’m really living in the present. Maybe I’m actually becoming an enlightened human being. Then I realized that it had to be some kind of divine intervention that put me in a state of shock, so I didn’t end up on the 6:00 news. Just like how people are in a state of denial after a traumatic event. This coupled with many other things was my traumatic event. Amazing how the mind works.

Here are pictures of some of the walls involved in the unauthorized art project. Unfortunately, fewer walls were left unscathed than covered in polka dots.